Surprises Part II

I think I mentioned that I've been more than a little under the weather lately. Things are starting to get better, and today was the first time in a couple of weeks that I've been to my yoga class. I happen to be very passionate about yoga, devoting three hours and a nice chunk of money to it every week. It keeps me calm, healthy, happy, and ensures that I spend just a little time moving around thinking about my health each week, which I think is a great trade off. Its also great for joints and bones which I'm guessing I'll appreciate when I get a bit older.

But I digress. I was still feeling pretty terrible at the beginning of this week, but I've got a heavy deadline that I'm struggling to meet on the second of November, so I've been going into the department to do some writing each day. Wednesday, I arrived a bit later in the day, not having slept well the night before and as I approached my desk I could see something beautiful staring back at me. The cover had pictures of animals and flowers twined around the title and in big letters was the name Margaret Atwood. I just discovered Atwood last year (although I'd read Handmaid's Tale before and enjoyed it, I didn't look for anything else by her) and I've been hooked ever since. Not only is she a fantastic fiction writer, but she also makes excellent use of the fairy tale genre in her work meaning that its topically relevant to my PhD. Or that is what I tell myself when I should be working and instead I'm curled up with one of her novels.

As soon as I reached the desk I caressed the gorgeous hardback and peeked in the cover. There was a note from Odin explaining that he'd hoped it would get here earlier as it was meant to console me while I was ill. The note was very sweet, the book was even sweeter. Odin is not particularly a fan of Margaret Atwood, but he knows how much I like her work and had ordered me the newest book. Knowing I was on a deadline, he considered waiting until after the second to give it to me because he is privy to my bad habit of tuning the rest of the world out and allowing myself to be consumed by fiction...but he didn't. I'm having to be a grownup about it and only read it in the evenings, after my word count is met, my teaching duties executed and my dishes washed. Its a hard life.

Surprisingly, or maybe not surprisingly, I'm having a really hard time processing what to do about having a boyfriend who is so unexpectedly wonderful. I'm not used to being the one who is the last one to express feelings, console the sick or surprise the other in general...and strangely in addition to obviously feeling elated, I feel a little disconcerted. I'm not really sure how to up my game, but I definitely want to.

As promised and more

Although I'm feeling even more under the weather today than I was last week, Saturday night with Odin deserves to be written about. Of all of the people I've dated, I've never had someone think about things so carefully, arrange things so nicely and yet just do it casually. Usually, when a guy says he is going to surprise me what he actually means is that we are going to do something that he isn't interested in doing and so I'd better act impressed. With Odin it was totally different-I had fun, I felt relaxed and I'm pretty sure he did too.

He phoned me sometime in the early afternoon and suggested that perhaps we meet in a couple of hours to check out an exhibit at an art museum. Since the museum closed at five he suggested we got to his favourite pub for a drink, then for a quick dinner and then on to the surprise. Since I was feeling particularly perky, and I particularly like spending time with him I didn't really have to think about my response. I layered up and headed out about 10 minutes late...which bothers me, but Odin didn't seem troubled.

The exhibit was great, a show of prints from the early American period by various artists. Since I was late, and I'm slow, I didn't actually make it through all of them, but I loved the ones I did see. Afterwards, as we were walking to the pub, Odin matched my stride and we chatted about the exhibit. He also told me about what he'd been doing the night before and the escapades of one of his friends. When we got to his favourite pub, I thought I'd stepped into heaven. It was dimly lit, with lots of small rooms, comfortable upholstery, dark wood doors a gorgeous bar and miles of bottles of exotic things that I'd never bother to try but love looking at. He got our drinks and we settled into a room with a fireplace. About twenty minutes later, just about sunset, someone came in and lit it while we talked. Several times people from the University meandered in, never lingering in the same room as us.

Eventually, we finished our drinks and headed for dinner. We went to a noodle bar that we'd been to before, but that I'm developing quite the affection for. The food is relatively quick, very good and they have a variety of dishes that I haven't really had much of since leaving Big City USA. I had an amazing Thai curry (the restaurant does a variety of south east Asian food) and we both kept our heads down while we were eating, trying not to laugh at the loud and particularly ridiculous conversation next to us. It was nice not to have to articulate anything about it, we both just got that if either of us looked up or made eye contact all sense of decorum would be lost. When the bill came, it was put in front of me and as I was about to pay it, Odin simply did it. Fast, smooth, no fuss no commentary.

I have to go on a bit of an aside here. I've got a thing about bill paying. Its never particularly mattered to me if the guy paid or not. For the most part, I think its nice when a guy pays, but not expected, and I certainly don't mind getting the next one. However, I once offered to buy my own movie ticket on a first date and the guy had a bit of an ego issue and went a bit crazy. Ever since then I've found the whole thing just uncomfortable. I always want to offer, but certainly don't want to offend anyone....Charles, however changed that. Charles, who was gainfully employed and had very expensive taste in restaurants, was fond of leaving the house with no money and "borrowing" from his girlfriend. This got a bit tedious when I was worried about covering my student life, unable to work full time on my visa and didn't particularly want to go to the over priced establishments he chose. So now? With Odin? Jeez, I feel like I'm walking on a bed of coals. I guess at some point I'll just have to bring it up and we'll have to discuss it, but for the most part he pays for everything unless I make a particular effort which I've been increasingly trying to do.

Anyway, back to the incredible date.

It had taken us awhile to be seated at the restaurant, so we were in a bit of a hurry when we left. Despite that, Odin held my hand and asked about my best friends while we rushed along. As we were approaching a corner, he asked me if I had any idea where we were going. Generally not liking to be out of control I would have been harassing him for days to just tell me...but this time was different. I know enough about Odin to know that he wasn't going to surprise me by subjecting me to some horrible ordeal of public humiliation like karoke while meeting his friends for the first time...so I had left it. I honestly confessed that I had no idea as he turned me into a theatre. He explained about the building as he swooped over to pick up the tickets and we found the appropriate door. It was a theatre in the round, and the play was about a local area, which made me feel even closer to Odin.

I managed to get through the play with only one coughing fit, which Odin held my free hand throughout. Afterwards, we talked some more, and he listened and actually engaged with me when I told him what I thought about the play.

Did I mention that a few days ago he borrowed a book by one of my favourite theorists, one that doesn't cross over into Odin's work much at all..and has been reading it?

This guy hasn't just knocked my socks off, he has stolen them...and I don't mind a bit.

Surprises

I seem to have come down with an awful sore throat the past couple of days, which may or may not indicated that I am coming down with Odin's cold. Last night he came over and we watched a film, ate takeaway pizza which he very sweetly went to two places to procure and did a very good job of cuddling away my shivering, cranky state.

As if all of that wasn't sweet enough, he also asked me yesterday if I'd made plans for Saturday. He had a certain panicked look on his face and I said no, wondering if I'd forgotten to do something. He reassured me that I hadn't but said he had booked something and then realized he should have made sure I was free first. It was endearing to see him concerned that he'd forgotten to ask me first even though we generally hang out on Saturday and the social life of a postgrad is certainly not the busiest. Now, however, he won't tell me what we are doing. He says its a surprise and I'm excited. He has, however, reassured me that I am not meeting anyone. I'll be sure to update early next week about whatever it is!

In the mean time, I've met my students and had my hair cut again. My students are great, one group in particular is very enthusiastic, and another managed to have a debate amongst themselves in the first class! The haircut, on the other hand, leaves a little to be desired. Fortunately, my hair grows quickly.

Just a quick update

Things with Odin are still wonderful, although its funny how becoming closer to someone makes all of my own faults more apparent to me. Like I'm very bad at graciously accepting simple courtesies. Odin has had a terrible cold and used some of my cold medicine. I always stock up at the beginning of term and he very sweetly got me some more today, he even got the kind without caffeine which I'm partial to and probably took a bit of attention on his part...and yet I didn't accept it. Fortunately, I don't think he is going to let my flaws get in the way of things.

Things are starting to pick up with term, I meet my students for the first time Friday. I always try not to get my hopes up since so many undergraduates don't want to be in University and don't care, and that can be a real let down, but those that do can be so much fun. Seeing them try out being on their own both in life and with ideas in a safe environment for the first time can be a real pleasure.

Just talking

My silence here is by no means an indication of a lack of time spent with Odin. Its the beginning of term here and between meeting the new PhD students, attending sessions to inform me of all of the things that have not changed about teaching since last year and squeezing in time with Odin, I've been busy.

One thing I've noticed is that my outlook on living in Britian has been slowly changing since Charles and I split up. Doing things with Odin is also helping. Its surprising how much a lack of urbaness (if I may) was contributing to my general lack of enthusiasm. I guess it further reinforces what I said when I was 7-I need to live in a big city, as well as adds on the caveat that I like being around people who enjoy big cities. I think its good to make notes about these things to one's self.

In addition to all of the things I'm busy doing, Odin has taken on some new duties and a new job, so he is busy and I suspect exhausted at the moment as well. We still, however, managed to see each other (outside of a professional environment) last night and we had some excellent just talking time. He told me about memories of his grandmother and about how he is planning out which of his music he wants me to listen to. Throughout all of this, he has maintained a sense of respect that keeps surprising me. He has let me set the boundaries for how our personal relationship is shared in the department, as well as leaving plenty of room for me to respond or reply to the music, books and other interests he has shared with me. I'm a much quieter and reserved person and its nice to have someone not take that as permission to completly override my personality.

Lest it seem as if I'm completely blind to to the inevitable faults that every human posesses, I have to include reference to my first impressions of Odin. I didn't particularly like him at first, and I suspect that I probably initially met him at his worst. In spite of that, he has done something extraordinarily impressive-he has changed. I'm not sure I could be a big enough person to do something like that which makes it all the more intimidating that he has yet to see me at my worst, or even at my slightly less aweful.

Three Kisses

I'm pleased to say that yesterday's bad mood did eventually make its way off.

Leave it to me to throw on a soft sweater and jeans, traipse off with my hair in unruly waves and realize halfway there that I was going to be unforgivably early and have to sit in the cafe, awkwardly...alone. So I got off the bus early and walked part of the way. The fresh air, the slow pace, the walk did wonders, although I'm not sure the same can be said for the wind and my hair. I'm not exactly a chatterbox, so I indulged myself and just sort of let his conversation wash over me. The film wasn't great. It wasn't bad, but holding hands in the dark was far more memorable.

The talking lasted way into the late hours, me participating more later. At one point, the point when I was least expecting it, especially on this day when I'd gone to the least effort, he wispered you're beautiful. And I was convinced. Odin is not a man of false compliments, nor has he ever given me any reason to doubt that he finds me attractive, but the way he said it...well, if it isn't too trite, I melted.

Later, our conversation continued to ramble and his growing seriousness about this became evident. I'm not sure I'm ready to call him my boyfriend, but then I'm not interested in accepting any dates from anyone else so maybe I'm just being pedantic and cautious.

I'll be lookin' for eight when they pull that gate.

I have a confession to make. I woke up on the wrong side of the bed this morning. I'd slept badly and finally gave up at seven because my back hurt for no apparent reason. I got up and indulged myself, listening to my collection of uncool music and scouring the internet for entertainment.

A good friend and I had a moment of awkwardness this weekend when he got drunk and told me he loved me. Its been years since there was any possibility of that sort of thing between us, and I found myself stewing about it this morning, wondering why he would both secret away and spontaneously reveal this information when I've become so comfortable in our friendship.

I stewed for awhile longer and debated doing some work at home. I got out my stuff but couldn't get started. I had some tea and thought about a shower.

I looked up what I will have to do to replace my passport and visa if it doesn't come back from the consulate with new pages. I learned I will have to completely reapply for the visa, a process I swore I would never go through again because it was so terrible.

I wistfully checked for the post despite it being too early and traisped off to the shower. I lolled about grumpy that my softest trousers are a big on me. By 11 I was finally dressed, but for good measure I added my favourite over the top 1940's starlet earrings that always make me feel special and left the house.

I was still in a murderous mood, but things were starting to look up until I stepped off the bus and realized one of my beloved earrings was gone.

The day just continued like that. I finally gave up at 2, came home, crawled into bed and sent a midnight text to my best friend in the states. I knew she wouldn't get it until the morning when she was rushing off to work, but sometimes its just nice to know she will get it. I cried a little, laughed at myself and realized that the only thing that is really wrong is that I forgot.

I always forget. I'm an expat. Being an expat takes energy. Its sort of like the energy a person devotes to caring for a relative who has a long term illness, you adjust, you don't begrudge it..but every so often it sneaks up on you and you just need to stop and act like a child. Now if only I could get over myself before my date with Odin tonight.

Thanks for the ear.